A wedding is one of life’s most significant events, and as such, the occasion is typically marked in numerous ways — before, during, and after the union. Ahead of the big day, many soon-to-be-weds celebrate with bridal showers, engagement parties, bachelor/bachelorette bashes, and other gatherings with close family members and friends.
Among the many well-known traditions, you may be wondering, what is a wedding shower for and whether it’s necessary to plan. This pre-event ritual often creates confusion, especially since it’s frequently compared to or mistaken for a bridal shower. However, the two differ regarding etiquette, guest lists, gifts, activities, and timing, and a wedding shower is an excellent option for many couples to consider when wedding planning.
What You Will Learn
Wedding Shower Vs Bridal Shower
In simplest terms, a bridal shower is a gathering where the bride-to-be is the center of attention. The gathering typically is for women guests and is often hosted by the bride’s mother, maid of honor, or one or more of the bridesmaids.
On the other hand, a coed wedding shower is a more modern take on bridal showers (which first became popular in Europe in the 16th century) in which both the bride and groom or two partners are equally doted upon. With this alternate version, the guest list is more inclusive, often including the full bridal party, and the celebration also better represents more diverse couples.
What Is the Purpose of A Wedding Shower?
he overall purpose of a wedding shower is similar to a bridal shower, where friends and family come together to celebrate the couple and lavish them with well wishes, support, advice, and gifts ahead of the wedding day.
Unlike an engagement party, which happens at the very beginning of a soon-to-be-weds’ timeline, a wedding shower happens as the big day draws closer and helps to build excitement. Also, unlike a combined bachelor/bachelorette party, a coed wedding shower is not just for friends but also includes a larger guest list of family and close relatives.
According to The Knot’s Real Weddings Survey, 67% of couples noted they had a wedding shower before walking down the aisle. It shows just how popular the ritual is becoming, especially with more relaxed rules on etiquette and the planning process.
Wedding Shower Planning Etiquette
Like all other wedding celebrations, organizing a wedding shower involves attention to the couple’s likes and preferences and thoughtful organization to ensure the event has all the necessary components and goes off without a hitch. Below are five of the essential elements to consider, including an appropriate host, the best choice of venue, and picking an ideal theme.
- The Host: Whereas bridal shower etiquettestipulates that the bride’s mother or bridesmaids host the event, a wedding shower is more open to who takes charge. It can be any bridal party member or, really, anyone invited to the wedding. Several people can join in the effort, which also helps when it comes to paying for the event. Hosting duties generally do not fall on the couple since the purpose of a shower is to allow loved ones to honor them.
- The Guest List: When creating the guest listfor a wedding shower, it’s important to invite anyone close to the couple, such as family members and friends. A good rule of thumb is to include anyone invited to the wedding. This list typically includes both sides of the soon-to-be weds and all bridal party members (not just female friends). Unless the wedding is a destination event or the couple is eloping and won’t have as many guests present — in these cases, the guest list for the shower will include more than those invited to the wedding. As such, wedding shower guests tend to be a larger group than more intimate bridal showers and may include up to 50 guests.
- Picking the Date: Both a wedding showerand a bridal shower are similar in timing; experts suggest they should be as far out as three months and no later than two weeks before the wedding da But when it comes to the actual date of a wedding shower, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a weekend or a traditional brunch or bridal tea party hour. Maybe it’s a group dinner on a Friday night, a Wednesday night happy hour, or even a bash on a holiday when many guests have time off.
- Invitations: No matter when you schedule the wedding shower, invitations should be sent out well in advance, ideally four to six weeks before the event. Doing so gives guests ample time to plan and RSVP. You can opt for a more formal invitation, such as a mailed card, or a designed email template is fine, too.
Choosing the Best Venue and Theme
The venue and theme of a wedding shower should always reflect the couple’s unique style and personality. If they love the outdoors, you may want to consider a picnic-themed event. If they have pets, perhaps it’s a dog-friendly affair. If they often go out to sports games or concerts, you could plan the shower around those group activities. Unlike a typical bridal shower theme, such as a lingerie shower, the sky’s the limit with a more couple-focused event that brings the interest of the wedding couple into focus.
When you do settle on a theme, you can also apply that idea to the decorations, food and drink menus, and party favors.
- For example, if the wedding shower is sports-themed, the menu can include ballpark staples like hot dogs and nachos, while the party favors could be customized jerseys with the couple’s names on the back.
- For the picnic idea, you could include campfire s’mores and meals wrapped in straw baskets, which could also double as a parting gift.
- You can also create signature drinks for the shower. And don’t forget dessert, whether it’s cake, mini-bites, or a self-serve sweets table.
As far as location goes, a wedding shower is typically in the area where the couple lives. Still, a remote spot can be beneficial if the bride and groom or betrothed partners love to travel and might enjoy a destination shower. If the majority of their friends and family and guests invited to the wedding live in one condensed area that’s out-of-town, it may be worth considering hosting the shower at a venue there. It will allow the chance for as many guests to attend as possible.
Suggested Read: Average Wedding Venue Cost
What Do You Do at A Wedding Shower?
Before the opening of wedding shower gifts, and sometimes, even before the meal, there’s always time for a bit of fun. From trivia to some friendly competition, there are plenty of activities that you can plan to entertain guests and further celebrate the couple. Wedding showers are full of people who love them — and know them — the most, so games can be a way to bring everyone together. Here are some ideas:
- Arts and Crafts: Provide mini-canvases and paintbrushes and ask guests to paint a portrait of the couple,or make it more vague and suggest an impressionist take on what love means to them. You could turn it into a contest where the artist behind the most-liked painting receives a gift certificate. Or, the couple can save all the pieces for centerpieces for their wedding reception.
- Fun and Games: Create your version of “The Newlywed Game,” where various couples at the shower — including the bride and groom— compete in rounds of questions to see which ones know their partner best. Or, make an alternate version of “How Well Do You Know the Couple,” where all the friends and family in attendance answer questions about the soon-to-be-weds to see who knows them best.
- Picture Time: If the budget allows, a photo booth can be a fun add-on for wedding showers, creating a memento for everyone to remember the day. You can set it to print two copies of each photo: one for the couple to collect and one for the guest to bring home. Add in a box of props so guests can get into character. Another idea is to request in advance (such as a note on the invitation) that all guests bring a young photo of themselves, and everyone in the shower has to guess who the person is in the throwback image.
- Sound of Music: What would a party be without a soundtrack? For a wedding shower, you could play “Name That Tunes,” set up some karaoke, or break the party up into groups where the guests work together to create their idea of the perfect wedding playlist. These ideas can also have a purpose: to help the couple put together a mix of music for their wedding reception.
Of course, both a bridal shower and a wedding shower are opportunities for gift-giving. Whether the couple wants to open the gifts at the event is totally up to them. While doing so provides the chance to thank each guest personally, unboxing presents can take up a good chunk of time if you have a packed event, and it can make some couples feel uncomfortable.
Use A Wedding Registry for Shower Gifts
The biggest difference between bridal shower gifts and presents for a wedding shower is that the latter should always be something the couple can enjoy together rather than solely intended for the bride. (The buyers of the gifts also extend beyond just female friends and family.)
For this reason, many couples create a wedding registry ahead of the shower to make it easier for guests to choose gifts that will be most useful for them. You can also use the same registry for more general wedding gifts or multiple showers. Though, of course, guests can think outside the box since there are plenty of ideas for finding the perfect couple’s gifts based on their unique interests. Here are a few tips:
- Traditional Gift Ideas: Common choices for bridal shower giftsor wedding shower gifts often include housewares, kitchen appliances, bar accessories, drinkware, or even a gift certificate to home or department stores. If you plan on buying a more traditional gift, it’s best to consult the wedding registry, if available, as this ensures the couple will receive items they genuinely want or need.
- Creative Gift Ideas: You by no means have to stick to the wedding registry, however. If the betrothed couple already seems to have everything they need at home, you may consider giving them another option. For example, you could offer airplane miles for their honeymoon or a gift certificatefor their favorite restaurant. If their favorite music act is coming to town or there’s an upcoming theater production you know they’ll love, tickets are another perfect gift.
- Gift Etiquette: If you’ve been invited to multiple showersand already purchased a bridal shower gift, you don’t need to feel obligated to bring another present to a wedding shower. Or, you can decide to invest in two smaller gift items and bring one to each event. It truly is the thought that counts, and your presence at both events is what’s even more meaningful to the couple.
Wedding Shower FAQs
What is the purpose of a wedding shower?
Like many bridal showers, the overall idea for a wedding shower is to bring family and friends together to celebrate the engaged couple and provide them with any essentials or experiences they may need as they begin married life together.
Do I need to have both a wedding shower and an engagement party?
As you begin wedding planning, the key is knowing that there are no hard, fast rules for your celebration. While some couples may choose to have both a wedding shower and an engagement party, it’s not essential. If you want both, it’s best to plan the engagement party shortly after the proposal and the wedding shower closer to your wedding day.
Do I need to attend if I’m invited?
If you’re close to the couple and are part of the wedding guest list, it’s a kind gesture to attend the wedding shower to show your support for their union. However, attendance is not mandatory.
Who typically hosts a wedding shower?
The bride’s mother, a close friend, or family members who are close to the couple may take on hosting duties. The soon-to-be-weds generally don’t host their wedding shower.
Do I have to bring a gift to a wedding shower?
While gifts are customary, if you will attend multiple showers or celebrations, only one gift is necessary. This gesture fulfills the gift-giving expectation without placing undue pressure on guests. The celebration’s primary purpose and heart lies in supporting the couple.
Showers Are A Meaningful Part of Wedding Planning
Wedding planning isn’t just about the big day itself but also the other celebrations that come before, during, and after the event. A coed wedding shower is a great way to bring the entire bridal party together and build excitement for everyone on the guest list.
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