How to Plan the Perfect Second Marriage Wedding

Second marriage weddings sometimes need a little extra care. But you can plan the wedding your love deserves (and that your guests will enjoy!) with a few basic etiquette tips, such as knowing expectations for who will pay for the big day and what to ask for in gift registries.

We spoke to wedding planner Whitney Craig, owner of Confetti Events in Kansas City, Missouri, about how to navigate the wedding planning process for second marriages. Here’s everything you need to know!

How Do Second Weddings Differ from First Weddings?

First, it may be helpful to know how second weddings are different from first weddings, such as:

Plan Your Second Wedding as a Team

When making the decisions related to your second wedding, it’s best to do so as a team with your spouse-to-be. Discuss your first weddings together. Talk about what you’d both like to do. Decide together what typical traditions you’ll keep and those you’ll forgo.

If either of you has children from a past marriage, consider bringing them onto the team as well. Ask for their opinions on the big day and if they’d like to play a role in the wedding and to what degree. Second marriage weddings can be difficult for some children, so it’s ideal to give attention to their opinions and have an open mind.

“Every family is different,” Craig said. “If the children are grown and want to contribute, I think that’s their way of showing support and that they approve and they’re excited.”

What If It’s One Person’s First Wedding?

Craig has seen this situation come up on a number of occasions, and when it does, it almost defaults to a first wedding, for good reason.

“A lot of times for a second wedding, it will be somebody’s first marriage, so one partner is having a second wedding and the other partner is celebrating their first wedding,” she said. “And that’s when we see people making larger investments and having bigger guest counts, because that person still wants the experience of having the big wedding.”

In these situations, you may still want to participate in pre-wedding activities like a wedding shower; making a gift registry; or planning to have a large wedding party. For the individual who hasn’t been married before, these special moments are important.

Look for Takeaways from Your First Wedding

One of the most valuable things you can do when you start planning your second wedding is to look back at your first wedding. There were likely a few things you loved about that day, as well as a few things you maybe didn’t like as much.

Giving that some thought will help you plan your second wedding accordingly and give you a strong advantage. Most couples go into their wedding not knowing what to expect or maybe even what they really want — but you have the benefit of the knowledge that comes with it not being your first time.

If you don’t really want to invite every single person you know, don’t! If you hated the sit-down dinner at your first wedding, skip it! Use this second chance to plan the wedding you really want.

In Craig’s experience, she has found that many people planning a second wedding will “have ideas and have some non-negotiables, whether that’s making sure there’s a late-night snack or amazing music so everybody dances. And sometimes they want to make sure that the numbers and budget are really strictly honored, because they always seem to add up a little faster.”

Important Etiquette Tips for Second Marriage Weddings

Following some basic etiquette for second marriage weddings is also helpful and considers all the family and friends that you want to be present in the celebration.

Who Should Pay for a Second Wedding?

It’s not common for parents to foot the bill for a second wedding. This is sometimes because a second wedding will come later in life when you’re more established and have a good financial foundation of your own.

“Typically with a second wedding, especially if it’s a second wedding for both partners, the couple will pay for it themselves,” Craig said. “If it were somebody’s first wedding, then their parents are sometimes generous. But if it’s truly a second wedding for both people, then 95% of the time they are footing that entire bill.”

Of course, if any family members do want to help cover costs, that’s perfectly lovely of them, but it’s best not to expect it.

Can You Still Have a Large Event and Guest Count?

The short answer is, yes! It’s all about what you’d like for your big day. In terms of trends, Craig has found that “for second weddings, about 30% do something that’s more small or intimate with a justice of the peace, a courthouse wedding, or even a destination wedding.” But she said, “We see about 70% of couples planning second weddings doing so with something local.”

If there are young children involved, Craig added, “Disney cruises are really popular ways to celebrate blending those families with Mom and Dad getting married.”

What Should You Expect for Gifts?

Expect that your guests may not gift as lavishly as they did at the first wedding.

“With second weddings, you’re usually combining two households into one,” Craig noted, “so many couples will say, ‘We have so much stuff, we have two vacuum cleaners, two air fryers’ — they don’t want three of these things.”

In fact, gift-giving in general is a little more optional at second weddings. Many couples don’t even create a gift registry.

What About Planning Pre-Wedding Activities?

If your second wedding does come later in life, many of your friends are likely married by now too. Maybe they have kids. Or maybe they’ve moved away. As such, your core friend group may not be as available for pre-wedding events like bachelor/bachelorette parties, engagement parties, or wedding showers.

In fact, many couples planning a second wedding often opt out of including these types of pre-wedding events since they are more gift-centric and traditionally aimed at helping out a young, newly married couple.

But you can get creative if you still want these activities. As Craig has found, some couples do a combined shower where they “have everybody bring a game to stock the game closet, or do a stock-the-bar shower where everybody brings a bottle.”

Can You Still Wear White at a Second Wedding?

“You should wear what you want to wear and be excited about that! Nobody is going to be surprised or shocked if the bride is wearing white,” Craig suggested. “It symbolizes a bride. Some people are more surprised when the bride doesn’t wear white.”

Craig added, “People are usually excited to see a pretty dress and it’s an important day, so everybody deserves that princess feeling. I always tell my clients, ‘Yes, wear white if you want to! Have your moment. You deserve it.’”

Should You Invite Your Ex?

Unless you have an exceptionally close relationship with your ex-spouse, you might want to forgo inviting them to the wedding. And be prepared for them to RSVP “no.” Of course, don’t take it personally. Seeing your ex getting married can be tough no matter how great you get along.

This rule of thumb can apply to your ex’s family and friends as well. You may want to refrain from inviting them unless you’re on very good terms, and even then, be prepared for a “no.”

The exception, Craig said, is when children are part of blending families. “Sometimes the former partner will come to be supportive and help support the kids. And to show that everybody approves and that everybody’s going to be working together.” Though, if there are no children involved, she added, “I’ve never seen the ex come.”

What If Someone Isn’t Supportive of Your Second Marriage Wedding?

Even when following all these etiquette tips, a family member or friend may still object to your second marriage wedding. If so, have a plan to communicate about it and set boundaries.

Some may express their opinions about having a traditional or large wedding for your second marriage. Or that you can’t wear a white dress or get married in a church the second time around. But all that matters is your wishes! You still get to have the day of your dreams when you get married the second time.

In these cases, it might be worth sitting down with the friend or family member, hearing them out, and explaining what you want for your big day.

Planning a Second Wedding FAQs

Who Walks You Down the Aisle at a Second Marriage Wedding?

Many couples refrain from typical roles at a second wedding, which means that no one really has to walk anyone down the aisle. Instead, the couple can walk down the aisle together or individually.

What Color Wedding Dress Do You Wear for a Second Marriage Wedding?

You can wear any color wedding dress that you want! While some may say that only a first-time bride can wear white, that’s an outdated notion. By the same token, don’t feel as if you must wear white, either, just because it’s traditional. Some brides may use a second wedding as a chance to wear something more creative or fun.

Should You Have a Wedding Shower for a Second Marriage?

If both people within the relationship have already been married, then a wedding shower isn’t a necessity. In this scenario, many individuals will already have all of the items that they need to start their new life together.

What Do People Give as Gifts for Second Marriage Weddings?

Gifts for second weddings are usually more casual, as the couple may already have everything they need. Some options may include money, charitable donations in the couples’ name, experiences, or “nice-to-have” items that aren’t necessities.

Can You Have a Big Wedding for a Second Marriage Wedding?

Yes! Your second marriage wedding can be as large or as small as you’d like it to be.

Protect Your Big Day with Wedding Insurance

Every wedding deserves to be protected from unforeseeable events like sudden bad weather or vendor cancellations. Having wedding insurance can save the day by preventing your financial and emotional investment. Additionally, many wedding venues will expect you to have liability insurance coverage before you can sign a contract to rent the space.

Learn more about BriteCo’s comprehensive wedding insurance options and get your quick and free wedding insurance quote now.

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