Being a courteous wedding guest requires following a few modern wedding guest etiquette rules. These relate primarily to respecting the couple’s wishes about things like dress code and RSVP deadlines, and following all the rules laid out for the wedding ceremony, like leaving your cell phone on silent and not posting photos to socials.

We’re breaking down modern wedding etiquette for guests​ into 10 easy-to-follow rules, so you can be that friend or family member that every wedding couple is glad they invited to their big day.

TL;DR: Top 10 Rules Every Guest Should Know

1. Use the RSVP card to RSVP by the deadline.
2. Follow the invitation instructions regarding whether or not you get a
   plus-one or can bring children.
3. Arrive at the wedding 15-30 minutes early.
4. Respect unplugged signs.
5. Follow the dress code.
6. Bring or ship a gift.
7. Mind the bar rules during cocktail hour and the reception.
8. Be present for all toasts and the first dance.
9. Thank the happy couple before you leave and sign the guest book.
10. Get home safely.

Rule 1: RSVP by the Deadline

Make a point to RSVP to the wedding by the deadline laid out on the couple’s wedding invitations, which, in most cases, will be about a month before the ceremony.

Not RSVPing at all or RSVPing late can cause a great amount of stress for the couple, as they’re trying to finalize their guest list and seating chart. They’re also communicating with vendors like caterers about exactly which services will be needed on the wedding day. Not RSVPing and showing up anyway, or RSVPing late, may result in a rush to ensure you get a seat and a meal, or even worse, may leave you with no seat or meal at all.

Since most wedding invitations are sent out about two to three months before the wedding, with save-the-dates coming at least six months in advance, you’ve got plenty of notice. There isn’t much of an excuse not to follow proper wedding RSVP etiquette.

Rule #2: Follow the Invite’s Instructions Regarding Plus-Ones and Children

If you get a plus-one to the wedding, your wedding invitation will be made out to “[Your Name] and Guest” or your RSVP card will offer a place to include a guest’s name. If your children are invited to the wedding, the invitation will likewise include their names or “[Your Name] and Family”.

If children are explicitly not invited to the wedding at all, the wedding invites or wedding website will clearly list this.

Following this rule goes a long way in ensuring the event is a success; many couples invest a lot of time and effort into refining their guest list, and extra attendees may not be within their budget. If the to-be-weds have planned for a smaller wedding with only those closest to them in attendance, it’s best practice to respect this.

Make sure you don’t show up to the event with extra guests that haven’t been accounted for.

Rule #3: Arrive to the Wedding on Time

Plan to arrive at the wedding ceremony venue about 15-30 minutes ahead of the start time listed on the invitation. You want to arrive early enough that you can be seated before the processional, get settled in, and visit the powder room if necessary. You also want to be well out of the way as the bridal party lines up and prepares to enter the ceremony space, a process which may be taking place in the venue’s foyer.

Rule #4: Respect Unplugged Signs

More and more, couples are requesting guests to put down their phones and cameras and be an active participant in the occasion, leaving the photos to the professional photographer. If an unplugged sign is posted up at the venue entrance, respect the couple’s wishes. Don’t take any photos and especially do not post any photos on social media.

Even if the couple does allow for photos, before posting any, ask about couple-approved hashtags and, for close-ups of the wedding party, ask the people/couples in the photos for their permission before posting.

Rule #5: Follow the Dress Code

Wedding dress codes can be white-tie, black-tie, black-tie optional/formal, semi-formal/cocktail, or casual, and it’s important that you adhere to dress code standards so as to fit the formality of the event.

• White-tie: The most formal, requiring a tuxedo with tails or a floor-length gown.
• Black-tie: Slightly less formal, requiring tuxedos sans tails and floor-length gowns.
• Black-tie optional/formal: Tuxes will not be out of place, but suits with ties are also permitted, as are shorter elegant dresses.
• Semi-formal/cocktail:A very popular option, with suits, cocktails, pantsuits, jumpsuits, and similar attire acceptable.
• Casual: Typically relegated to beach or destination weddings, allowing for khakis, collared shirts, and sundresses.

Above all, make sure you absolutely do not wear white unless specifically requested by the couple, and wear attire fitting the event’s religious or cultural adherences. Some religious venues, for example, may frown upon shoulder-revealing dresses. Likewise, if the event is outdoors, dress appropriately for the weather, with layers.

Rule #6: Bring or Ship a Wedding Gift

You shouldn’t show up to the wedding empty-handed. There are plenty of options as far as gifts go. Common gifts include items on a registry, cash, or a donation, either to a charity or the couple’s experience fund. These all come at a variety of price points.

Whatever you decide to do, consider shipping a physical gift directly to the couple or sending cash gifts digitally, so there’s one less thing to worry about on the day of.

Wondering how much to spend on a wedding gift?

• Spend approximately $200 on close family members or a best friend.
• Spend approximately $100 on colleagues or more distant friends and family members.

The average cost of a wedding gift is $175, according to Empower data.

Rule #7: Mind the Bar Rules

Follow the venue’s rules regarding alcohol, including not bringing outside alcohol to the event and serving limitations. If there’s an open bar, plan to arrive at and leave the venue via a rideshare.

These venue rules are in place for a good reason. If someone under the influence of alcohol is injured or damages the venue, the couple or the venue could be held liable. Plus, no one wants to be a sloppy wedding guest, annoying all the other guests and potentially embarrassing themselves on the dance floor!

Rule #8: Be Present for the Toasts and First Dance

The couple has spent months planning these special moments, so ensure that you’re present and paying attention during the toasts and first dance. This may also mean wrangling any children so they aren’t disruptive, and staying out of photographers’ and other staff’s way.

Rule #9: Thank the Happy Couple Before You Leave

While weddings can be chaotic with so many people vying for the couple’s attention, make a point, sometime during the night, to thank them for the invite and give them your well wishes.

Rule #10: Get Home Safely

Lastly, get home safely by enlisting a rideshare, watching your alcohol consumption, paying attention to your surroundings, and keeping your valuables safe.

A lot can go wrong during a big wedding, but wedding guests can help avoid some of these mishaps. To help keep the day running smoothly, it’s best to:

• Keep aisles clear.
• Report any spill or trip hazards to venue staff or the wedding planner.
• Leave extra-special valuables at home if you anticipate a crowded venue.

Additionally, if you plan on wearing fine jewelry to the wedding, follow jewelry protection best practices to avoid loss, theft, or damage.

A Note For Hosts

If you’re planning your own wedding, it’s important to take the potential risks into consideration.

Valuable belongings can get lost, vendors may fail you at the last moment, and important elements of your big day (like your dress or the venue itself) may get damaged.

It’s impossible to predict or prevent every potential scenario, especially when large groups of people (and often, alcohol) are involved. To safeguard yourself against unforeseen events, it’s a good idea to look into wedding event insurance and liquor liability insurance. Comprehensive liability coverage starts at just $102, giving you instant and affordable peace of mind.

FAQs About Guest Etiquette for Weddings

Can I bring a plus-one if only my name is on the invite?

No, always ask the couple before assuming. Small guest lists may not allow extra guests.

When should I RSVP for a wedding?

When attending a wedding, always RSVP by the date on the RSVP card. Late RSVPs disrupt seating and catering counts; invites are sent out far in advance for a good reason.

Do I need to buy a wedding gift if I can’t attend the wedding?

It’s thoughtful to send one if you’re invited. See our gift guide for budget tips.

Is it OK to post photos during the wedding ceremony?

If the couple hasn’t requested an unplugged ceremony, which will be indicated on signage within the venue, it’s fine. Otherwise, wait for the reception.

What do I do if I’m running late to a wedding?

Wait discreetly for an usher to show you to your seat or enter between moments within the program.

Can I wear white to a wedding?

No, this is a faux pas unless the couple explicitly says it’s fine.

Are kids allowed at weddings?

Children are only allowed at weddings if the invitation lists their names or if the invitation states the wedding is family-friendly.

What if I don’t drink?

That’s totally fine. Enjoy the night and plan for a potential rideshare regardless, just in case your friends need some help getting home safely.

Now You Know Proper Wedding Etiquette for Guests

It’s always an honor to know that the bride and groom wanted you to be a part of their special day. Celebrate the couple and respect the to-be-weds’ plan, and you’ll always be the perfect guest.

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